More dating adventures…

I think I am officially going on sabbatical…

DISCLAIMER: I am not judging anyone and their decisions in the bedroom. Since I am not in your bedroom, I could honestly give two shits…do you!

Now with that being said…I have a new story for my blog family!

Oh…DISCLAIMER II: I can’t sugar coat this entry so I will have to say exactly what he said…sorry

So Friday after work I decide that I need…no dammit I deserve a pedicure. So I wander a few blocks…an hour and $40 later my toes are fabulous and I am walking to the subway station. Minding my business…staring at my toes (this pedicure is really tight yall!) out of no where this guy is next to me. Hmm k…cute…athletic…but I don’t think anything of it. He starts to make small talk and he walks with me for a block. We arrive in front of a Barnes & Noble and he asks me if I want to join him for some coffee…

ehhh…why not? I am not in a committed relationship…I am talking to someone…but we aren’t exclusive…sure…what’s a drink?

So we chat for a few hours (he talks ALOT!) and eventually we exchange numbers and part ways.

Ok…fast forward to Tuesday. We have chatted a few times, exchanged texts and even made plans to see a movie Wednesday evening (yeah…I SHOULD be on a date right now). It hits me sometime last evening that I never explicitly asked him if he was in a relationship…so I send him a quick text because I DO NOT assume that because he approached me and asked me out that he is single…ok…no girlfriend/never been married. cool. (how did I forget to ask that?)

After he clarifies that he is not in a sexual relationship with anyone…he feels the need to talk about se.x. Now…I do NOT talk about se.x with a new guy…especially one that I have met less than a week ago. That is a quick way to go from potential partner to jump off before you can finish your sentence. Anyway…he sent me a text

Guy – I am submissive in the bedroom
Clu – Submissive?

Now…the rest should be my fault because I know good and damn well what submissive means…but I wanted to see how far he would go…

Guy – Yeah. I like a woman to wear leather, brandish a whip and use a strap on dildoe on me occasionally
Clu – ?
Guy – Yeah…that’s what a dom.inatr.ix does to their sl.ave.
Clu – slave?

See…this is me pushing again…I know what the hell he means. I should have stopped while I was ahead

Guy – Not a real sl.ave…just a s.ex sl.ave
CluHmm k…dil.do?
Guy – Oh sorry…dil.do. Its funny that I misspelled that. I have so many! I like my glass one the best

And this my friends is where I am rendered speechless. I mean…is this what’s hot in the streets right now? I was so confused…what about me made this guy think that in LESS THAN A WEEK it would be ok to share se.x stories?!? Like seriously? I don’t know your last name but I know your favorite dil.do?!?

Now I am not that naive…I know things like this go on…but I am just so confused because when I told him that I would have to respectfully pass and wish him the best (typical non confrontational, hate to hurt peoples feelings Clu…I was trying to be as nice as possible!)…he got mad! Suddenly I had hom.opho.pic issues, I didn’t understand the pro.stat.e and how men like it stimulated and this was a cultural barrier (no…he was not black (not like it should matter)) I receive multiple texts and a frantic voicemail telling me that we need to straighten this out…its just something he enjoys on occasion and I have his se.xua.lity confused.

Right…

So I don’t call him back…I do respond to his text messages and let him know that although this may be something he enjoys “occasionally” it is not something I am open to…he is open to it which is fine…but why waste time with someone when we know we aren’t compatible? I wished him the best…he wished me luck in finding someone “suitable”…and my toes are still fly!

Fin
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21 thoughts on “More dating adventures…

  1. Meikmeika says:

    ROTFL!!!! I’m speechless….He told you this after a week of knowing him…? A dildo????? WOW!Again…Speechless….

  2. n'Drea says:

    Daaaayuuuum!!!Yu si, sake a de toe dem dat did look sooo FLY, yu neva si when ‘im come outa nowhere. But I understand. A pedicure that good would do that. LOL!

  3. Can I pass out now???*hits floor*

  4. SistaLocd says:

    Wow, I am also speechless! No comments.

  5. NappTown says:

    Girl no! I can not believe it. Maybe you made him feel comfortable or something but still……that is some freak nasty stuff to reveal to someone that you are not even on last name basis with yet!!! Strap on!!! uggh! gross!

  6. Alise M. says:

    I am so cracking up right now!!! It must of been the pedi.

  7. ayankha says:

    LMAO… NEW YORK CITY… speaking of which, he sounds like he could be one of those guys on VH1’s “I Love NY”. I could see it now…

  8. bluetopaz says:

    Gurl…u make me L-O-L! Since I read this today (Friday)…thanks for the end of the week giggle! Too funny!!

  9. *Coop* says:

    Wow. Word? um…Really?? After a pedicure?? LMAO!

  10. i was not ready for that.wow! omg, i was not ready!!!GLASS?!!? in the a..s..s??????sheesh clu, why do you have to be so uptight? live a little!!!! *being so sarcastic*

  11. Shai says:

    *Delurking*I am so surprised about the dildo. OMG. SMH.When you said he talked too much, for some reason, I sensed he was not all together. LOL.

  12. Charizma00 says:

    I adore your blog!! You remind me of a college friend I miss dearly, you two favor as well, but anyway I thought I would continue my stalking but honey I had to comment on this, this is HI LAR IOUS!!!!! I have never……Oh my goodness. This is just classic. Please, whether you get bored tired or whatever with your gorgeous locs please continue to post. My 4 year old son has asked me 50 times what’s so funny in the hour I’ve been on your blog.

  13. Bygbaby says:

    “…That is a quick way to go from potential partner to jump off before you can finish your sentence.” I am not even finished reading & that fucked me up & stopped me dead in my tracks with laughter!!! I love it.Bygbaby

  14. Bygbaby says:

    Dildo, OMFG THE OHN, Shit!!!

  15. Maryee says:

    I ran into a fellow or two when I was doing online dating. Gawd!!!!!!! No tank ya!

  16. Michelle W. says:

    Whaaaat? Glass dildo…wrong. Dammit this whole thing was just wrong. I haven’t been online in a while but you really know how to welcome a sistah back. Locks looking good girlPeace

  17. CarmenNC says:

    Something is terribly wrong with me. I got turned on. LOL. Oh dear. I can’t say too much childrens may be reading. I read ‘he started at your toes’. I just need to know if he would use the dildo on you or is it for you to use on him.

  18. Damn!! Maybe your inner freak light was going off, but anyway that is WAY Too Much Information in a weeks time. He needs therapy.

  19. onyxcherry says:

    Definitely TMI for just one week. But aren’t you glad you found out sooner rather than later? Good thing you didn’t waste any time developing feelings for this man.

  20. Babs says:

    WOW! That is quite a story! You should be glad he told you that mess early on.

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